Hi, I’m Melia.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 40, after many years of dealing with anxiety, depression, and burnout.
It was as if I’d found the missing piece to a puzzle. ADHD explained my baffling contradictions and inconsistencies: how I could be smart but scatterbrained, driven but disorganized, perfectionistic but prone to mistakes.
I wasn’t a bad friend, parent, or partner for forgetting important details or losing my temper. It was my brain’s structure and chemistry that made it difficult to regulate my attention, emotions, and behavior.
When I learned that there was a neurobiological reason for many of my ongoing struggles — from time and task management to hypersensitivity — I felt a blend of grief and relief.
While I could have avoided a lot of suffering if my ADHD had been identified earlier, knowing now meant that I could learn how to play to my strengths and manage my challenges.
I’d felt deficient and defeated because I’d been trying to thrive in a neurotypical world with a neurodivergent brain. Now I could see that trying harder wouldn’t work. I had to try differently.
The Power of an ADHD Diagnosis
Just knowing that my past was full of ADHD moments allowed me to pardon myself for mistakes and regrets, the times I’d fallen short of expectations or felt mortified by my impulsive speech and actions.
I simply didn’t have the right tools, knowledge — and most importantly — neurochemicals, to do what I knew I was capable of. With treatment, people with ADHD tend to function better than they ever have in their lives.
As I learned everything I could about ADHD (thank you, hyperfocus!), I began to experiment with supports designed for my “Ferrari brain with bicycle brakes,” as Dr. Ned Hallowell describes the ADHD brain, until I found ones that worked for me.
I feel fortunate every day to coach my clients through this process of self-acceptance and discovery. I would love to help you produce the results you intend to, and most importantly, to see that you are someone who can.
Work with Me
I know how incredibly painful and destructive ADHD can be when it is undiagnosed and unmanaged, and I feel a deep sense of purpose in helping other adults heal. These are some of the changes my clients have made, and continue to make, through coaching:
replace negative self-talk with kind encouragement and self-compassion
produce intentional results by learning to manage their thoughts, emotions, and actions
set up ADHD-friendly work and living spaces to prevent lost items, distractions, and clutter
work through emotions, set healthy boundaries at work and in relationships, and speak up for their needs,
To get a sense of what it’s like to work with me, you can read my reflections on evolving beyond perfectionism or listen to an episode of Semi-Together (stream on the site or listen in your favorite podcast app.)
If you think we’d be a good fit, I’d love to have a zero-pressure chat to get to know each other. You can book a free Discovery Call below.
My Story
Recovering from Achiever Syndrome & Reconnecting with My Inner Compass
👆This pretty much sums it up
The High Price of Achievement
Growing up, I was highly sensitive and dealt with anxiety from an early age. At the time, ADHD was thought to be limited to “boys who bounce off the walls.” Given that I was a reserved girl who followed the rules and made straight A’s, I didn’t fit the profile.
But being a high achiever came at a cost. I worried that I would fail out of school and wouldn’t amount to anything. In high school, I quietly struggled with insomnia, depression, and suicidal ideation.
By college graduation, I was burnt out from sacrificing my well-being for grades and awards. I kept waiting for some kind of payoff for my hard work that never came.
I realized that in following what I’d assumed was the path to a life of happiness and success, I’d wandered farther and farther away from my own inner compass and identity.
I had no idea what I even wanted in life, and without teachers and professors telling me I was worthy, I felt like I wasn’t. I was like Lisa Simpson during a teachers’ strike. 👇
Doing My Own Work to Evolve
Without the structure of school, I felt adrift in life, like an anxious child suddenly tasked with being a full-fledged adult.
In order to find my way back to myself and make my own path forward, I immersed myself in psychology and personal development. I created a number of passion projects to heal my school traumas, develop an active gratitude practice, and reflect on 40 ways I had evolved before my 40th birthday. I invited others to do their own inner work as I did mine, so we could share in and support each other’s growth.
Recognizing that We’re All Semi-Together
The Semi-Together podcast that I co-host with my sister, Gillian Burgess, has been transformative for both of us. We now can see that every one of us is “semi-together” at any given moment (something is going right!), we don’t “should” on ourselves or others anymore, and we continue to grow in emotional intelligence and compassion.
ADHD & Me at Age 40
When my productivity took a nosedive during COVID quarantine — I was suddenly without a structured schedule, social support, and exercise at the gym — I began researching the symptoms of ADHD.
I was astonished when my psychiatrist diagnosed me at age 40. Having been a people-pleasing, high-achieving student, I’d never once considered that I might be neurodivergent (see above).
My son (age 7 at the time) was diagnosed shortly after I was, and my daughter (then 5) was diagnosed the following year. It turns out that ADHD is highly heritable — if you have it, you very likely have parents and other relatives who do, too.
Since my diagnosis, I’ve channeled my hyperfocus (an ADHD superpower) into reshaping my self-concept and finding the blend of supports and strategies that help me accomplish what I set out to do.
It’s been a joy for me to coach other ADHDers, especially those who are newly and/or late-diagnosed, and help them manage their wild and creative minds as I continue to learn about mine.
The Best Guide Is One Who Knows the Terrain
If my story resonates with you, I would love to help guide you through any of these obstacles. I know how maddening ADHD-related challenges can be.
I’ve also learned that when channeled skillfully, these liabilities can turn into assets. As Dr. Ned Hallowell points out, the flip-side of distractibility, impulsivity, and hyperactivity are curiosity, creativity, and energy.
Coaching can help you embrace your highly inventive ADHD brain and create an environment where you can flourish. You can schedule a free Discovery Call below to start with a conversation.