4 ADHD-friendly strategies for setting goals
When ADHDers think about setting goals, we can so get overwhelmed by the many things we want to accomplish that we don’t know where to start. Everything seems important and urgent, and our time-blindness makes it hard to imagine the “not now” beyond the “now.”
Here are 4 ADHD-friendly strategies for setting goals:
1) Start by asking yourself, "How do I want to feel?"
Most of us are carrying around nagging notions of what we’d like to be doing better. We may not realize that a goal is really a means to an end: a desired future state that generates an emotion we want to feel.
For example:
Manage my finances better: I want to feel calm / secure / peaceful
Exercise more: I want to feel healthy / energetic / confident
Get back to a hobby I enjoy: I want to feel creative / engaged / joyful
When we get clear on the emotion we want to feel by achieving the goal, we can be more flexible about the way(s) we get there. It becomes less important to “Keep the house tidy” than to “Feel peaceful in my living space.”
2) Get clear on what "done" or "better" looks like.
In the examples above, it helps to articulate what we mean when we say "better," "more," or "get back to."
What actions could help you feel the way you want to? What frequency feels doable to start?
For example:
I want to manage my finances better: I want to check my bank balance once a week, so I feel more secure.
I want to exercise more: I want to work up a sweat at least every other day, so I feel more energetic.
I want to get back to a hobby I enjoy: I want to freewrite for 10 minutes each weekday before I open my email, so I feel more creative.
Painting a picture in concrete terms helps us know where we're headed and figure out pathways from here to there.
Setting clear parameters helps us set manageable goals (just outside our comfort zone and doable within our current capacity) vs. continuously moving the goalposts forward without the satisfaction of a touchdown.
3) Run little experiments to see what works for you.
If we think, “I need to do it right (a.k.a. “perfectly”) or not at all,” we’ll be too intimidated to even try, and get demoralized when we don’t hit the bullseye on the first shot.
We have to learn to crawl before we can walk, and learn to walk before we can run. Try a tiny experiment that could move you closer to your goal.
Start small (doing something really is better than nothing!) and piggyback on an existing habit. You could start exercising with a few stretches after you get out of bed, or with a five-minute walk around the block before breakfast.
4) Celebrate even the smallest wins, and tweak the variables.
You’re more likely to get the results you want if you praise and reward any progress toward the desired behavior than if you criticize and punish the undesired behavior.
Atomic Habits author James Clear writes about the power of tiny gains, “If you get one percent better each day for one year, you’ll end up thirty-seven times better by the time you’re done.” (See graph above.)
Recognize the smallest glimmers of your desired future state and reward yourself for them. Telling yourself, “That’s a win,” starts a positive feedback loop: You’ll begin seeing more wins to celebrate, boosting your dopamine to continue those habits.
Look at the data you generate and tweak the variables one at a time, until you’re experiencing your desired future state more often than not.
A few other ADHD-friendly tips for goal-setting:
Keep your goals visible, or they’ll be of sight, out of mind. Write
Expect discomfort as you nudge yourself outside your comfort zone, and be okay with doing it imperfectly. Tell yourself, “I’m being a good learner,” “It’s all data,” and “This is the part where (I think this is a waste of time and I should just give up).”
Allow your desired emotions to ebb and flow as your circumstances change — from how you slept last night to whether your routine is disrupted. It doesn’t mean it’s not working. Everything is perpetually in flux, and the right now is not forever.
Focus not on being consistent, but being persistent. It’s not easy to keep evolving into the life you want to be living, but it’s worth the effort.
ADHD coaching can guide you through setting and achieving goals.
An ADHD coach can walk you through an ADHD-friendly goal-setting process and celebrate each step toward accomplishing them. Learn more about how it works below.
📷 Aaron Burden / Unsplash
